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But, I Don't Want to Go!

Renee Eder on Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Every morning, I hear the same thing from my kids: "I don't want to go to school!" They seem to think I will say, "That's fine, you can stay home," even though I won't. In reality, unless it's Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur that day, or they have 104 fever, they're going! Not sure what fun things they think I do while I'm working all day?   

Dr. Rene Hackney, one of our awesome speakers from our upcoming Baby2Tot Fest, offers some great advice for parents of children whose kids complain about going to school every day, as follows:

Smooth, calm morning: If your kids lose it in the morning, try and stay calm. Be the rock. 

Matter of fact empathy: When your child is upset, acknowledge the emotion, then continue with the routine. On a difficult morning this might sound like, "I know you are upset, you don’t want to go,” as you help put on their shoes.” “I hear you want to stay home. I like staying home with you too,” as you walk them in. You are recognizing emotions and moving forward. 

Avoid starting with denial or reasoning: Denial would be, “You like school. This shouldn’t be so hard.” Reasoning is, “All of your friends are there, you’ll have fun at school.” Denial and reasoning are fuel for the argument.

Start Earlier: If it is truly difficult to get through the morning, you might also start 15 minutes earlier to give everyone a chance to relax.

Note any patterns: Most things are easier when you see them coming. Knowing the pattern can help you plan.

Speak with teacher: Whenever there’s a school related difficulty, good to check in with the teacher. The teacher may be able to point to something specific happening at school, or may let you know everything seems fine once child is there. Either way, it’s helpful information.

Speak with your child: Occasionally, ask them what’s going on in the mornings before school. Ask if there’s anything they are happy about, worried about, excited about, or scared about at school. One question here and there, in a relaxed tone ,at a calm time, may be helpful.

Address any known causes: If there are academic concerns, talk to the teacher, find new ways to practice the needed skills, and/or hire a tutor. If it’s a social concern, meet with the guidance counselor, coach your child on ways to manage, and/or follow up with the teacher. On either front, continue to monitor and follow up with interventions, as needed. Do what’s needed to support your child wherever they need it the most.

Again, these great tips are from Dr. Hackney, who will be leading one of six parenting workshops at our Baby2Tot Fest on 10/22. The event will also feature vendors, on-site demos, a play area, an ask-a-professional café, giveaways, and more. To learn more or to register for the event, click here. Hope to see you there!

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